.

2010-01-17T08:25:00.003+08:00

It has been a heck of a long time. Anyway, I don't think I can ever get rid of my hokkien peng pattern.

Example: 5 letters. T, R, U, T, H. Each letter means something. Guess the word.

For T, the first thing that came into my mind was 'tokkong'
For H, it was 'hoseh'

Am I abnormal?

Ji pai jia lat liao.

2009-08-01T09:17:00.001+08:00

Alright, new blogskin here. Credit goes to the original maker of this skin, which is slightly edited by me. Featuring one of my fav quotes. There will always be hope, no matter what.

I feel like discussing a few issues today. First, looking back, yet again.

Remember a few blog entries back in which I was forced to retrench the people under me? I sincerely hope that none of you out there will ever have to face the kind of situation I did. I remember having trouble sleeping when the decision was made to retrench staff came. Literally, the fate of my people were in my hands. My choices on who to let go was not based on merit. I chose them because they were young and unmarried, hence the impact of losing a job would not be so bad for them. That was the most I could do. One guy had just gotten married. I could not choose him. Another's wife just gave birth to his second kid. I did not choose him. Although there was no other choice but to let them go, no matter what it was still me, myself and I who selected them. It was one of the toughest decisions I made in my life. Even now it still kind of affects me. I just can't help but feel bad. It was a tough week. The next feel days I saw my colleagues getting retrenched. Real bad for morale. I share this today as perhaps a form of release.

Pastor Chua said, “我们要吸引怎样的人，我们就要成为怎样的人。”

If a person is not open, how will people open up to him? I am way more expressive with words than speech, so this is simply my way of 'opening up'. Things have to change.

The second issue I would like to talk about today is individualism.

This was actually derived from names. Notice nowadays names are becoming stranger and stranger? Take a look at the 'I laugh at your stupid name' group on facebook and you shall see. Some of the names are just simply over the top. My conclusion is that people might be trying too hard to be unique. A name could be seen as a form of identity. Hence, a unique name gives a unique identity. People want to be seen as 'unique' in the eyes of other people. However, it is really justifiable?

As with many problems, a good solution is the Bible.

KJV - Genesis 1:27 says, 'So God created man in his own image.'
KJV - Luke 12:7 says, 'But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.'

Note the two verses. One is 1:27, the other is 12:7. Striking, yes?

All of us are already unique by birth. God created man with a purpose. He did not create robots. There is no two people in the world who are exactly the same. We are already unique, because God has created us so. We do not need to give ourselves fancy names to announce that we are unique; we already are unique in our own way.

Comments?

2009-07-22T22:39:00.001+08:00

Well, it's been some time. The most recent change in my life is that I have officially resigned. But before I go into more detail as to why I decided to resign, let me talk about my experiences first.

On the very first day I started work, I was told that the turnover rate in my company is 3 people leaving per day. Excellent morale booster eh? That was 1.5 years ago. That statistic is unfortunately, true.

My company manufactures wafers. No, not the type that can be eaten. The manufacturing process can take anything from 3 to 6 months. My job is to ensure the chemical supply used for manufacturing does not get interrupted. This brings me to my first point. People.

My position is extremely people-oriented. I have the pleasure of being a customer and a service provider at the same time. I provide a service to the manufacturing team. At the same time, people are providing me a service to ensure my operations go smoothly. Basically, the whole world's problem is my problem, because I work with people from practically every department in my company. Complaints aside, it is the thinking process that makes everything valuable. How you conduct yourself is the utmost priority. And I'm happy to say that I have done pretty well in this area. Let's do something else.

Some of the best stuff that I have read:

1) Animal farm by George Orwell
2) The Colour Purple by Alice Walker
3) Dracula by Bram Stoker
4) Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys - read this and Jane Eyre will never be the same

There might be more, but these are all I think of for now. Just realised that they are all literature texts. Oh well. I guess it makes sense that I'm a Lit major eh?

2009-01-21T22:33:00.002+08:00

Seems like nothing good is coming out from my blog nowadays. Let's take a look at this statement. In large corporations, workers are like pawns, only to be manipulated. Whether you agree or not, it is extremely unfortunate that this event is unfolding right in front of my eyes. It is even more unfortunate that I am one of the perpetrators of this event.

Due to the economic downturn, it is inevitable that companies will want to save cost. Drastic times call for drastic measures. So it was no surprise that my organisation started to talk about retrenchment. And so I am handed the task to axe 25% of my people under me. The first time I heard this, I could not sleep at night. To be out of a job in this economic downturn is really unpleasant. It is with much regret that the names have already been submitted. The hammer falls right after chinese new year. Imagine celebrating a holiday, then going back to work the next day only to find out that you have been placed on the chopping block. This feeling utterly sucks.

How can I ever face them? True, I do not have a choice, but it does not change the fact that I was the person who selected the people. No matter what, part of the blame will fall on me. It is not because they cannot perform. It was just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

In short, this is not a happy new year to me. I foresee more sleepless nights ahead. At least my hair has not started falling out yet.

2008-12-11T19:23:00.003+08:00

The best two words I can describe my results are "Screwed up". Two modules. One B+, one F. How in the world did I get an F? At first, I felt so humiliated that I decided that I was going to shave my head in shame. After calming down a bit, I decided to focus more on the possible reasons that led to this.

1) Difference in module format
The first one, which I did well for, had an exam format that focused on 3 parts, 3 questions per part. We were supposed to answer 1 from each part. So all we had to do was to choose the parts that we were strongest in and answer them. How tough is that? A grand total of 3 chapters out of 9 that makes up the whole module. And that fact that I averaged 80% on all my assignments helped. Also, this module was the type that if you could justify your opinions, you definitely will score.
My second module had a total of 14 chapters, with an exam format of choosing 3 questions to answer out of a possible 6. Since there was no way in hell that I could find the time to study all 14 chapters, I opted for the 'spot question' tactic. It totally backfired. The chapters that I focused on did not come out at all. End of story. It does not help that this modules focuses more on memory work and not much in the way of discussion. It's either correct or wrong.

2) Time (or lack of it)
I actually planned to take a few days of leave 2 weeks before my examinations just to focus on studying. Then came the huge contamination issue from work. And all my plans just went up in smoke. I simply could not find the time to just focus on mugging for my exams. 3 chapters I could maange. 14 I could not.

3) Singapore's system of having a bloody final exam for everything
This is more of a personl opinion, but come on. Not everything is determined by the exam results that we get. It's the path of learning that counts more. I did rather well in my assignments. Why must everything boil down to the final exam paper? Foreign universities have more subjects that are project based rather than exam based, which I feel is a more practical approach. I want results to reflect more on my learning process and not to satisfy people.

My conclusion: Sheer bad luck.

Practicality wise, I was never an excellent student in terms of grades. However, Singapore is simply a results based system, where the best grades can get you anywhere but does not determine if you will be a good worker/person or not. Something has to change. And since I can't change the system, the change will be on myself.

2008-11-03T20:40:00.000+08:00

I do not usually complain. Technically, I'm just airing my grouses.

I work for a large company with a few thousand people. We are number three in our particular industry. My position is to ensure that the chemical supply goes uninterrupted. The chemicals used are the raw materials used for production. Therefore, my responsibility is huge. The systems I control are critical. I work with a team of technicians to ensure that my operations are running smoothly. Let's call them Vendor A, since they are not company staff.

Recently, something big happened. My company suffered a 6-figure sum loss. One of my technicians made a mistake, so he was axed. Fair enough, right? So it came as a shock to me when I found out that his manager was removed as well. And just to satisfy some HoD. Just because some big shot is calling the shots (pun intended), I have to lose a very experienced person, who is no longer young. How will he be able to find work with the economy so bad? Does it make any sense? That's not all.

When a problem comes up, the first thing people do is not to solve them, but push it away to other people. This exists at even the highest levels, just under the CEO. With mentality like this, how can the company gain? People are simply thinking for themselves and not for the company. Best thing is, one core value that my company has is integrity. I do not see this at all. Because of this, innocent people are being shot down.

Some people say that this is the way to survive in the working world. Where then, are morals? Am I supposed to act like this in order to survive? Like what Rousseau says, following your appetite bereft of reason? What utter rubbish. I happen to be a Christian who is in the working world. Does that mean I leave my values behind in order to survive? I refuse to do so.

If you own a large company, and know that electricity prices are rising, would you:
1) do some cost cutting measures a long time back or
2) wait for the last minute?

I'm sure everyone would choose option 1. But apparently, common sense seems to be missing somewhere in my company. Waiting till the last minute, then panicking is not a good way to run a business. To me, it seems that no one bothers. Basically, my company is like a rotten apple. On the surface, everything looks nice. Inside, everything is not. There is no wonder why the company turnover rate is so high. When I first joined, I was told that the average turnover rate is 3 people/day. True enough.

I am disheartened, dispirited and dismayed in the way my company operates.

2008-09-21T19:43:00.003+08:00

Do you constantly say that you have no time? Or not enough money? This simply means that we let time and money control us. It should be the other way around. If we are in control of our finances, of our time, there is no such thing as not enough. So how do we regain control of our money?

That is the reason why so many books like 'Rich Dad, Poor Dad' are selling like hot cakes right now. Or books by Donald Trump. Because what these books teach is to how to be in control of our money. Ditto with time. But not everyone can apply it to their lives. You may read all these books, but ask yourself, did your life truly change?

But instead of forking our ~$20 for books, I have a better solution. Fret no more! And best thing is, its free. (Well, not totally) Everything can be summarised in just one sentence.

Matthew 6:33 - But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

The Bible. It simplifies everything into one sentence. And it really works. My life is a living example. There is no such thing as 'Oh crap, I've overspent this month! Aghhhhhh!' or 'Siao liao, everyday only have 5 hours of sleep...' coming from my mouth. For those who know, I'm working full time and studying part time right now. I pay all my fees and bills, no loans from the bank. (Why should I let them earn interest?) So if I can do it, all of you can. Try it and see for yourself.

2008-08-05T23:46:00.002+08:00

Due to popular demand, I shall update my blog. I shall repeat what I said in my previous post. Life is one huge juggling act.

Working and studying at the same is really not that hard. It just takes discipline. Its the stress of everything at one go that really kills you. My social life has been practically reduced to zero. On one side, there are issues at work. Have to do this... follow up that... maintain my budget... manage my technicians etc. Next is paintings, sonnets and what time period the English language comes from and how it evolved. And next is church, with new cg, sanfu, follow up new friends and all that. And I have not even brought up my financial situation, which is actually rather good.

Please do not misunderstand. I am not posting this to been seen as a complaint. Instead, I will meet all challenges head on. I will glorify God in my workplace, in my studies, and in my church. And I will not absent myself from any activities just because I have exams coming or other such whatnot. I refuse to be such a person. God gave us all 24 hours. It is up to us to make use of them.

Last, but not least, a quote to share. Hope it encourages you all.

I will fight until I cannot hold my sword... until my body can move no more... ~ Leon, Der Langrisser

2008-07-05T21:36:00.002+08:00

I'm tired. Life is one huge juggling act.

I never thought that I would be saying this, but I'm tired. After 6 months, my hectic schedule is finally taking its toll. And it will get worse when I begin my degree course. With so many things around, can I survive? For the moment, I believe that I can. At the very least, I shall find out how high my tolerance is.

Issues from work are neverending. Try receiving calls at 2 am. To be honest, I was not really thinking that much when I decided to enter this industry. In an industry where 6-figure sums of money are the norm, any small mistake can be potential catastrophes. But do I regret it? No.

At the moment, I remain positive. With support from above, I managed to carve out a path myself. I want to be, no, I will be a person who can juggle work, studies and my serving all at the same time, and with good results. Since I can multitask, I shall push it to the extreme. And I shall not become a robot while doing so.

说到，做到

2008-06-01T20:20:00.002+08:00

Is there ever such a thing as a happy ending? Recently, while reading and watching 碧血剑, the main character and his girl ended up together after a hell of a lot of stuff. Sweet, eh?

Hmm. I confess that at times I do exhibit the tendency of being a romantic. I do have a soft spot, you know, though rarely seen. However, simple practicality brings me back to the real world. Possible? Yes? No? Your choice.

.....

And now, let me speak of names once again. Specifically, mine. It's spelled D-A-R-R-Y-L. Simple, right? Wrong.

Since young, I have had the misfortune of seeing my name butchered and misspelled on more occasions than you can possibly imagine. I also conclude that my name is one of the most misspelled ever. Don't believe me? Read on.

My phone: RING!
Me: Hello?
Speaker: Hi, may I speak to Darry?

This has happened more times than I can bother to count. Do people have some disorder that prevents them from seeing the letter L? Even on emails, where my name is there, people still come back with "Hi Darry". That's just one of them. There's more. Some are pretty amusing, actually.

1) Darry
2) Daryl

These two are not too bad.

3) Darrly

How the hell do you even pronounce that?

4) Darrel

Rhymes with barrel.

5) Darriyl
6) Daril

The heck?

See what I mean?

2008-03-25T22:21:00.002+08:00

去了宣教之后，我发觉这首诗歌很有意思。

差遣我

主告诉我如何献上我的生命
带希望入人群中

主告诉我如何付出我的关怀
将温暖带入世界

我看到灵魂中的忧伤
孤独中人的心在角落中颤抖

差遣我差遣我
我愿付出我所有
差遣我到需要你的人群中

充满我充满我
用你爱来充满我
再一次紧握他们的手

。。。。。

Today, while at work, one of my colleagues said, "Eh, how come you are like so different after you came back from Thailand?"

I was like, "Got meh?"

The reply I got was, "Yah, you seem more silent, like somehow drained like that."

Can a person be changed in a week? Answer: yes. Like what I said in an earlier post, I feel that this trip is an incident that has impacted my life greatly. Physically, yes I am tired, but spiritually and emotionally, I am renewed with vigour. Once again, I learn.

2008-03-22T22:09:00.002+08:00

It is with mixed feelings that I update this entry. If my life were a book, it can be divided into chapters. One chapter ended the day I left my camp for the last time with my pink IC. That day is a day that I will never forget. My senses suddenly became acute, noticing everything around me. I learned about the steadfastness of God, that he would never leave me and will always be with me no matter what. Another chapter started one week later when I left for the US. Over there, I learned abour the magnificence of God and his creation. The sights, sounds and experiences will always be with me. And now, the current chapter just closed. As I lay back on my seat on the flight back to Singapore, I think about the past few days. What did I learn this time? That God wants us to know how to love. Not just yourself, but the people around us.

I lean my head back a moment as tears gather in my eyes. Being overcome with emotion is something that I had thought that I would never succumb to. The joy on the faces of the children is something that is just so profound, I cannot begin to describe it. Just think about it. The dinner they had on our last night there might be the best meal that they would have all year. The amazement in their eyes as they bask in awe of the fireworks. The laughter and the smiles as they sing and dance. And last of all, hope. I believe that hope is the best thing that we gave them. For nearly all of them, it is the first time in their lives that people actually looked upon them as friends, as equals, as comrades even. I told myself that I would go every year.

On a lighter note, I have found that I actually like travelling. To be able to go to new places and to learn about different cultures is an interesting experience. Too bad air travel costs so much, though. Can't have everything, eh?

2008-01-01T22:12:00.001+08:00

I sometimes wonder why is it that still now, I still do not have much inclination on what is it I really want. Everything just feels so hmm, overwhelming. But nothing I can't handle. At least I think I can handle all the crap that comes my way.

But then, even now there are questions that I still cannot answer. Why all the doubts? I suppose I will never be able to totally understand myself. Anyway, happy new year.

2008-01-01T22:12:00.000+08:00

2007-12-25T21:23:00.000+08:00

It seems like I will never get used to large crowds of people. Especially those who I do not know well. In the past, I might have made a loud entrance. Now, impossible. Mellowed up. Somehow, to me celebrating and partying has lost its flavour. Why? I do not know.

Never thought that it would happen, but stress has finally caught up to me. I am once again questioning my own abilities and my judgement. I am totally out of my league, everything is just so hmm... unexpected. Oh well.

2007-12-14T22:41:00.000+08:00

Whew. I think I will reapply to UOL next January. Now that I'm (hopefully) sure that I can support myself to work and study at the same time, I'll give it a try. I am not going to take up an engineering degree. Studious type I am not. I am more of a street smart person who prefers to use his brain to expand on what I already know rather than cram my brain and learn lots of other stuff. Ironically, this is totally different from my current profession. I'm enjoying everything so far, except that I am starting to feel the busy-ness. Things will get worse once I officially take over on January. In all honesty, I do plan to stay in the semiconductor industry as long as I possibly can. Having more experience is always a plus.

As for everything else, nothing much has changed. Years pass. I've stopped celebrating birthdays too. Somehow, it has lost its novelty. People are always talking about how much fun they had, especially on their 21st. On my 21st, I was still in Tekong, polishing my boots, waiting to book out, which luckily was a Saturday. How memorable is that?

Something else I find memorable is names. Names are something that can make or break a person. Also, I recommend thinking twice before you decide to name yourself something out of the ordinary. Imagine a pot-bellied, doddering middle-aged guy calling himself Romeo. Get my point? I do have a colleague named Agasi though, but the name suits him. You will understand if you see him in person.

Name are getting stranger and stranger nowadays. I mean, there was Vivian once. Now there's Vivien and Vivienne. Same with Cindy, Cyndi, Cindee, Sindy. I even saw a Xundy once. Which other variation can people come up with next, I wonder. Then there's things like Eleyn and Gjorn and who knows what else. Oh well.

2007-11-25T23:02:00.000+08:00

I had a pleasant surprise while cancelling my UOL application. It seems that my application fee is valid for 5 years, so if I decide to apply again, all I have to do is send my transcripts in. Now this is an interesting possibility which I have not thought before. Maybe next year?

Recently, some of my friends were like: "eh, no go find gf?" I was like "..."
Why the sudden concern? Anyway, this can wait. I need more stability before I embark on this particular path. I have more important things to think of anyway.

Unfortunately, I am unable to go for church camp this year. Another year gone. Why so suay? When I was in poly, the dates clashed. When I was in army, I was unable to take leave. Now, in my current job, again I'm unable to attend. Ugh. Next year. Next year I will go.

Some people also asked me why I did not have links to other people. Reason: I'm too lazy to source for all your links and to edit the html. Good enough answer?

2007-11-24T20:41:00.000+08:00

Look like spam is everywhere these days. Following my email and sms, even my tagboard was not spared. The heck?

Anyway, was just thinking about something. I realised that I had no concrete idea on what I was doing and thinking last year. Was my mind really screwed up so much? Honestly, what I remembered most was weapons and paperwork. Have to ask someone tomorrow. I honestly could not justify what I was thinking and doing last year. Well, maybe apart from army. Will update more tomorrow.

2007-11-11T18:43:00.000+08:00

How does it feel to be misunderstood? Not good, I'm sure. It's the same for me, unless I'm being oversensitive.

Basically, I do not do things for my own benefit. I do not care what people think of me, because I know that what I am doing is for God. 我是为神而做. Do not presume to know me or assume what I am, based on whichever factors, because you are not with me 24 hours a day. What people think of me is not my concern, because I do not report to them. I report to God.

Do not seek to judge me because of what I was. I have been a christian for close to 10 years, am I someone who will not give thanks because I have found a good job? I may not look like I care very much, but is that what I am, or is it what people think? It's not my fault I have a poker face. Saul became Paul after a dramatic change in his life.

I do not presume to change one's opinion based on what I've said. For in the end, God will be the judge.

2007-11-07T20:27:00.000+08:00

Well, I'm happy with my new job so far. At first, I was actually rather apprehensive about my job scope, with all the engineering stuff like technical drawings and such. All I had in common was my chemical background. Which in fact, seems rather useless now.

In all honesty, this was pretty much a gamble. I did not want to work in a lab, doing routine stuff over and over. I wanted something different, so I decided to try out the semiconductor industry. And it actually worked. Apprehensiveness aside, I was just told to simply learn as much as I can and do my best. Which is what I am going to do. From these few days, my impression of my company is pretty good.

I hope I won't let anyone down. Must show that I am zai!

2007-10-23T13:56:00.000+08:00

MM Lee commented on the possibility of re-merging with Malaysia recently, of course, with conditions.

Regardless with conditions or not, my answer will first, and always be NO. NO. and still NO.

Singapore has been on its own for 40 years. We have achieved much. In 40 short years, Singapore has became a first world country. Our universities are one of the best in the world. Our economy is doing well. We even have a small, but good enough military force. Singapore can do it alone, as we have proven these 40 years. I did not serve my national service just so that we can be a part of Malaysia in the future.

2007-09-30T21:53:00.000+08:00

Today, I shall make an attempt to be emo. Let's give it a try. Ahem.

Haiz... so sian... why like this... why lidat......

Ok. I can't do it. It don't suit me. I pride myself on being able to remain calm, cool and composed, no matter what situation arises, without any outbursts of emotion. Remaining in the shadows is best.

Like I said earlier on, God is good, all the time, even when we do not deserve it. I would like to add something else. God is good, even when bad things happen. Surprisingly, the situation may not be that bad. And in the process, I see. I learn. Let's see how everything goes.

Your heart makes it happen.

2007-09-22T23:39:00.000+08:00

Disappointment. A setback. UOL did not accept me. Wants to see my transcripts, which are crap. But more than disappointment, I am pissed. Seriously pissed. I am not giving up so easily.

2007-09-20T22:57:00.000+08:00

I am certainly not cut out to be a teacher. I'm not made for it. Maybe its time I stopped being the nice guy. Or actually carry out the punishments that I threatened the students with. It's not easy trying to control a whole class of students at once. Strange thing is, one on one tuition is fine for me. I wonder why.

Back to tuition. It's fortunate that I have a nice tutee with very reasonable family members. From what I have gathered so far, they are pretty happy with me, so all is good. From what I can see, my tutee is a pretty good kid. With proper guidance, I'm sure he will go far. Anyway, here's a joke, taken from www.talkingcock.com and edited by me.

The annual Miss Universe is finally here! At the Singapore Indoor Stadium!

Announcer: Question 1! Name me an animal that starts from the letter L!

Miss USA: Leopard!
Miss England: Lion!
Miss Singapore: Labbit! (Rabbit)

Announcer: Let us give Miss Singapore another chance! Name me a fruit that starts with the letter L!

Miss USA: Lemon!
Miss England: Lychee!
Miss Singapore: Liew lian! (Durian)

Announcer: ... What the... er... let us give Miss Singapore one final chance! Name me a household appliance that starts with the letter L!

Miss USA: Lawnmower!
Miss England: Lightbulb!
Miss Singapore: Lalio! (Radio)

After some discussion, they decided to change the question, since Miss Singapore has so much trouble with the letter L.

Announcer: OK! Now name me a drink that starts with the letter G!

Miss USA: Gin!
Miss England: Gatorade!
Miss Singapore: Gu ni! (milk)

Everybody: ...

2007-09-11T12:42:00.000+08:00

God is good, even when we do not deserve it. After all the waiting, finances are finally getting better. Tuition and relief teaching helps. Let's see if I can get the full time job as a writer, or something similar.

2007-09-09T22:19:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow morning, I'll be applying for a full time job as a writer. Long time never write resume liao, hope they will take a second look at it and request for in interview. I really do not want to work as a lab tech, which is ironically the position which I can have the most success. Oh well. On second thought, how am I going to be handle studies, work and sanfu at the same time? Hmm. Personally, I'm just going to apply and not think about it, and trust in God no matter what. What I have is (hopefully) lots of faith.

Today, I was unwittingly drawn into a conversation between Zhang Shimu and Zuomei, about marriage and staying single. I happened to be seated beside them and thought I was doing a good job of being invisible, playing a game on my cellphone. Unfortunately, my invisibility failed. Zhang Shimu happened to notice me and asked for my opinion on being a singleton. Zuomei was pretty much against it. My response was that the issue could be debated, depending on circumstances. Then I was asked if I ever considered staying single. I said yes. For some people, it is a gift. A good example would be Paul. A family would be a detriment to him.

For now, I am not thinking of stuff related to this, nor do I want to. I have more things to think about. But I do not deny that like my aunt, I have the independent streak. Aiya, I dunno lah.

2007-09-04T22:02:00.000+08:00

I do everything for a reason. People may find certain things I do frivolous and a waste of time. I beg to differ. You never know what the things you learn might benefit you.

I learned how to use photoshop by involving myself in a fan project. I edit the scripts. Currently, I am a webmaster of the website of a MUD that I has played before. I learned some ftp stuff in the process and was able to polish up my html knowledge. I applied to be a volunteer in YMCA and relief teaching in my primary school. Basically, these activities have little or no monetary gain. But what I gain, the experience, is more valuable that anything. Because this is what gives life its value.

Increased my daily running regime to 4km. It's amazing what one can do if one puts his mind to it.

2007-09-03T23:32:00.000+08:00

Love is not a feeling; love is a decision. Take a look at 1 Corinthians 13. Personally, I prefer the NKJ version, but for simplicity's sake, here's the NIV version.

1 Corinthians 13

1: If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2: If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3: If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5: It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6: Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7: It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8: Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9: For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10: but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11: When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12: Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13: And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

God has already taught us what love is, from the beginning of man. Why then, do we twist love into something that is out of our fantasies? The truth is out there. The question is, do we choose to see it?

2007-09-03T21:00:00.000+08:00

Challenge your limits. Only then will you know what your limits are. I learned long ago that the human body is capable of enduring lots of punishment. I was pretty accident prone as a child, and I have the scars to show for it. They will probably never go away. Since I have the time now, its time for a little toning up. If there's one thing I learnt from proverbs, it's to look forward and not get distracted from your surroundings.

I hope I won't. It ain't as easy as it looks.

2007-08-27T22:18:00.000+08:00

This year, a grand total of 4 people(excluding those who were there at the airport) wished me happy birthday. It's not that I mind, really. I've pretty much outgrown the novelty of birthday celebrations. In fact, I almost forgot it myself, being totally jet lagged. To me, it's not really that important. I don't even like growing older.

Silence. Serenity. Solitude. Peace. Is it a blessing or a curse? Cryptic?

2007-08-25T22:04:00.000+08:00

I'm sure many people want to know why I chose to apply for the UOL distance learning program. Let me assure you all that this was not a half-baked decision. In my trip to the US, one thing I did was look for any possibility of future education there. There was, but not really that feasible, due to a few reasons.

Cost. Tuition fees there are expensive. My family cannot really help me. I have to think for my sister. After her A levels, she has to go to uni. Let's face it, an A levels cert is not worth much. If I exhaust my family's resources for my education, my sis how? At least I have a diploma to fall back on. Obviously, I have to sacrifice. My sis has to go to university.

Also, if possible, I would not want to leave Singapore. My church, my friends are here. So, faced with this quandary, what do I do? The best choice for me is the UOL program. Less than SG10K, I can afford it by myself throughout the whole three years. Also, I will be studying in Singapore. The only bad thing is I really need the self discipline, as it is a something like a self study program. Can be done.

And of course, I have prayed about this and asked Pastor Chua for advice. I am sure that this is something that God has provided. When I made my decision, I had peace. I'm not too worried about the prospects, or whether the degree is recognised or not. I did some research, and I'm quite sure it is. Look, I believe God will provide, and I am putting all my faith in him. It's that simple. So I would appreciate very much if people would kindly stop asking me about all this. I do appreciate the concern, but I have enough things to think about. I hope this clarifies everything.

2007-08-20T22:29:00.000+08:00

Some quotes to share:

1) The reward of pain is experience. - Aeschylus
2) Hope springs eternal in the human breast: Man never is, but always to be blest. - Alexander Pope
3) Pain is a great teacher of human beings. The soul grows under the breath of pain. - Wolfram von Eschenbach
4) Love is a sacred yearning to the unknown of the purest part of the soul. - George Sand
5) You sound like chapters from a self-help booklet! - Kefka(insult), FFVI
6) Hahahahah! I double-6-ed so many downloaders~serve them right! - Stephen Sing(the guy who went after a 9 year old kid for $. Should be shot.)
7) All your base are belong to us! - CATS(Zero Wing)
8) Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get. - Forrest Gump
9) Do we truly not understand the Bible? Or are we just not willing to stand under it? - Pastor Chua
10) You Spoony Bard! - Tellah, FFIV

Gratitude

2007-08-16T10:44:00.000+08:00

I am someone that feels most at home with the inanimate. Something that cannot think for itself can be manipulated; something that thinks cannot. One thing that I have learned is that knowledge is something that you can not have too much. Which is why I enjoy reading so much. Everytime I read, I learn something new. I do acknowledge that reading only one genre is certainly not beneficial, though. If I do get accepted by UOL, I have will lots of stuff to make heads and tails out off. Homer's Illiad and Odessey is fine to me, but I hope I won't find Shakespere's works too boring. They are great works of literary art though, so I suppose there must be something that makes them live up to their name. I suppose I'll just have to do my best.

I am not the same person I once was. The day I stepped on the plane and flew 20 hours was the start of change. The day I came back was the end. Right on my 23rd birthday. How fitting. I see with clarity what the past is. I see the answers now. It was right in front of my very eyes but I did not see. I saw now what I did not see then. Sometimes I wonder how things would turn out if I knew then what I knew now. But I suppose it all turned out fine. The best way to learn is through experience. Only one can turn mourning into dancing. Only person can turn sorrow into joy. Only one can turn what was bad into good. The one who has a strange way of doing things. Tired of my ramblings yet?

I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind, but now I see

2007-08-14T20:31:00.000+08:00

I'm back! And will be applying to the University of London tomorrow. Hope I get in.

Anyway, would like to thank all the people who were at the airport to pick me up, especially Cai mama. I was honestly surprised to see so many people there.

Very tired, due to jet lag. Flying 20 hours is not fun.

2007-08-09T20:59:00.000+08:00

In my trip to the states, there are some issues that I have closure. Others, more questions. Struggles faced, yes. Here's one. A note about gambling.

Like I mentioned earlier, one of the things we do everyday is to play mahjong. And due to my grandmother's insistence, we play for money. I am not one who likes to gamble. And being christian just doubles that. I really was'nt keen, mentioning that gambling is wrong. I was immediately countered by my grandmother saying that yes, gambling is wrong, if you are doing it often. Occassionally never mind. She even mentioned that even her church elders gamble occassionally. They said not to make gambling a habit. Honestly, I was shocked and grudgingly accepted that horrible explanation.

Later, I had some time to think about it. Firstly, why do people gamble? Obviously, to want to win money. Money that is not theirs. To covet something that is not theirs. That is violating one of the 10 commandments. I was disgusted. Look back to the statement:

Gambling is wrong, if you are doing it often. Occassionally never mind.

Compare this to:

Genocide is wrong, if you are doing it often. An occassional murder never mind.

It is one and the same thing. I understand that chinese love to gamble. In fact, going to casinos here, there are actually sections dedicated just for chinese to gamble. But being chinese does not give you an excuse to gamble. It is just plain wrong. The temerity was that even church elders are doing this. This just makes me sick. I was tempted to go straight to my grandmother and debate against her. To speak out. She cannot refute the bible. But no. Out of respect for her age, I did not say a thing but just continued playing mahjong with them. It was a struggle not to just spew out the truth in the midst of our gaming.

But my conscience is clear. After I come back from the US, I will never touch mahjong again. Nor any other form of gambling.

2007-07-26T23:14:00.000+08:00

Alright. More picture updates.

2007-07-23T21:45:00.000+08:00

Alright, I'm back from my trip to new york city. Managed to go to lots of places, including the empire state building, rockafeller centre, times square and ground zero. Lots of stuff to see. Pics will be uploaded some other time. Honestly, there's not much in the way of pictures. Only buildings. Honestly, NYC was'nt that great to me. Just lots of buildings clustered together. And it's a pretty ugly place.

Also managed to catch the premiere of the movie Singapore Dreaming. I recommend a watch. It's pretty funny yet bittersweet about the life in Singapore. I did find it a bit too exaggerated and sterotypical though.

Not everything is good, though. NYC is a good place for work and visit, but not as a place to live in. Everything here is expensive. Very expensive. A normal meal for 4 can cost US$100 or more. If I said the traffic in D.C is bad, then the traffic in NYC is a major disaster. I don't know how to describe it. You just have to see for yourselves.

2007-07-17T20:55:00.000+08:00

How can someone have so much luck in mahjong? Yes, I do play mahjong here. Thanks to my grandmother, whose hobbies are gambling and shopping. Which is really bad because she keeps winning. Then with the money she wins, she uses it for shopping. Now, I don't usually like to gamble, but since it makes my grandmother happy, this is an exception. I swear, she is milking me and my aunt dry. I do not advocate gambling though, so don't try it.

I did spend some time walking alone around the D.C area. Lots and lots of things to see. The meuseums were really good, and they were free! Not like in $G where everything costs $. Pui. Maybe this week I'll walk up to the white house? Anyway, I prefer walking alone than guided tours. It's more fun and you have more freedom. I also hate looking like a tourist. It's like holding up a sign with bright neon lights that says 'blur and lost. cheat me now'. Especially when you go to places like China, where the locals cheat you no matter what race you are. Even chinese.

Speaking of chinese, there are lots of people from around the world in this area. Lots of restaurants. French, indian, thai, vietnamese, you name it, they have it. Will be looking at universities next. Taking a look won't hurt, ya?

2007-07-15T21:17:00.000+08:00

Alright, more photos. Click here

2007-07-14T09:30:00.000+08:00

Welcome to another issue to Me in Da US!

Today, I will comment on one thing which has caught my attention so far. Anyway, I'll try my best to remember to get all of you something, subject to bag space. Dun blame me if I forget hor.

Ever thought traffic in Singapore is bad? Wah piang! Traffic in D.C is much much much worse. I went past a huge jam today. It was not an ordinary jam. Imagine the whole CTE jammed. Or from Woodlands to Marina South. It was that bad. It was insane. Thank goodness I was not stuck in it.

Ever thought that drivers in SG is bad? Take a look here. I'm not dissing the drivers here, but some of them can really make you go ... . They cut into your lane as and when they like. Ignoring red lights even. It happens nearly every day. There was once a survey on what drivers would do other than driving. Some of the responses included reading and painting toenails.

.....

Anyway, to clear some misconceptions. Ang mohs are large not in height, like what most of us think, but actually in girth. They are not necessarily tall. I've seen more fat ang mohs than tall ang mohs.

P.S: There is no such word as 'stuffs'. There is only 'stuff'. Reason: Stuff can be used as a singular form or plural form. Same thing with sheep. So don't add a letter S to 'stuff'. I see this nearly every day. Thought that I would address this issue.

P.P.S: This post is subjected to singlish. So donch come comprain to me tat my england sala hor.

2007-07-08T20:02:00.000+08:00

Special update. This is Prancer aka Fatso or Tua Pui, one of my aunt's two dogs lying in a hammock. I leave you to draw your own conclusions.

2007-07-03T20:36:00.001+08:00

Alright, I'm at my aunt's second residence in the hills. This area is known as Lost River, which is a good name, as it is virtually in the middle of nowhere. Anyway, here are some of the better pics taken.

Click here

and

here

The links should work. If not, let me know.

2007-06-27T05:16:00.000+08:00

Hi to all my readers from the US! Being here for a few days, I must say that I'm enjoying myself so far. Americans are in general very polite and rather accepting of other cultures. It is not surprising to see other asians here.

For now, what I like most is the weather. Or specifically, climate. The temperature here is a few degrees lower than in Singapore, and humidity is low. I was told that this is actually the worst time to visit the US, being summer and all, but I'm quite happy, really. When you come from a place that is perpetually hot the whole year round, any drop in temperature is good.

Moving around and having the chance to try out the food here, I must say that it is excellent. Even the chinese food. There are lots of cultures here, so the variety of food that can be found is quite a lot. Nothing compared to Singapore, though.

But of course, my ultimate goal is to spread singlish to the US. Hopefully I will get a chance to visit the white house. Assuming that they even let me in. Anyway, my next update will have pictures, once I move around more.

2007-06-21T00:07:00.000+08:00

Alright, I have links to some of my works on the internet. Look to the right. Just some info before you go excitedly clicking on the links.

1) If you don't understand anything, too bad. It's based on anime.
2) I have the comics. Get it from my room if you want. Just ask me first.
3) I would appreciate feedback. Especially on stuff like writing style, character portrayal, language ability. I need an unbiased view. I've had good remarks so far, but they are all from fans of the particular anime/theme/pairing. That's why I need an unbiased view. To be fair.
4) Want more? Ask me.

For those who are still unsure, I will be in Alexandria, VA, which is near Washington D.C. From 23rd June to 12th August. I'll try my best to be online as often as I can, restricted by timezones of course. Want anything? Let me know...

Contact info:

1) Email
2) Sms/call (I have roaming)
3) Leave a tag on my blog
3) MSN

2007-06-16T01:16:00.000+08:00

I remember my ORD day. Walking out of camp, leaves were falling all around. It was a beautiful sight. A fitting tribute to the end of an era maybe?

For the moment, I've been playing games and finishing up on some of my other projects. Like photoshopping the FoR manga and completing Wind and Rain. No inspiration for the moment. Honestly, writing is kind of tedious. All you do is type type type and suddenly you feel so sian. Sometimes its hard to get motivated.

Anyway, I'm flying off next saturday morning. If you guys want souvenirs, let me know.

2007-06-02T22:56:00.000+08:00

Change.

Recently, some people commented that I am different from before. Truly? Anyway, here's my response.

Ever since I enlisted, life had been different. When you are in the army, it will occupy the number 1 spot in your life. I know it is really hard to believe, but its true. Just ask anybody who has gone through NS. It is doubly so if you have important responsibilities, like me. Everything else will take second place. It is unfortunate, but it is like that.

As a result, my serving was reduced to very few chances. Now that I have the opportunity to serve again, I will take that chance. I see it as making up for the two years that I have lost.

When opportunity comes, grab it.

2007-05-24T22:46:00.000+08:00

Trivia: What happens when I go for a strenuous workout, after being very out of shape for the past few months due to a back injury?

Answer: An aching back.

It seems I overexerted myself. I should have known better. At least I found out that I'm not made of steel. Thank God for the almighty invention of SALONPAS. It helps.

Anyway, caught The Phantom of the Opera a few days back. Overall, I thought it was pretty good. Of course, there is room for improvement but I still enjoyed it. The music was fabulous. Nothing beats hearing 'Music of the Night' played live.

2007-05-14T19:40:00.000+08:00

To me, going to the US is like a new beginning. Everything is different. To start anew. And I told myself that if it were possible, I would further my studies there. However, there have been some doubts lately. I have reasons for wanting to go and reasons for wanting to stay. Can I really bear staying there for a few years? Adapting to another environment is no problem. But there are things here that I find hard to leave behind. I never thought that I would feel like this. This is a first.

I believe life is made up of decisions that you choose. If we sit around thinking, 'If it is meant to be, it will happen' then we would get nothing done. But of course, there are limits to what can be done. And there are times where you just have to grit your teeth and get on with whatever you do, and hope for the best. Am I even making any sense here?

2007-05-12T12:48:00.000+08:00

This post is dedicated to Fan Yao Jin aka Ah Fan, who perished in the Taiwan air crash yesterday.

When I recieved the news last night that there was an air crash in Taiwan and that there were casulties, my immediate thought was 'I hope that the casualties are not people I know.' Unfortunately, my hope was shattered this morning when I read the newspaper and saw his name.

We were not exactly friends, more like people who just knew each other. Whenever we saw each other, we would be like 'Hi!' and 'Ho seh boh?'. Things like that. Although we were not close, at the very least I knew him and who he was, and I have had the pleasure of working with him before.

Ah Fan, wherever your soul is, rest in peace.

2007-05-01T18:58:00.000+08:00

What is happiness to you? Earning enough $ to live comfortably? Getting enough degrees so that people can call you Dr? A nice Mercedes with a chauffeur to drive you around? 5Cs? Namely cash, credit card, car, condo, country club?

I suppose the above list is what many people would with to have. However, please remember that these are only material gains. For me, happiness is when someone comes to know Christ. The joy in seeing someone accepting Jesus in indescribable. Experience it for yourself and you will see what I mean.

Life so far has been good, I guess. On a side note, I have finally found the answer to the question that I had been seeking for a few months. Sometimes all you have to do is to share. God works in mysterious ways.

Anyway, I will be flying off at 23rd June. Tentatively, I will return in August, subject to changes. But before I leave the country, there are things that I absolutely must do. Wish me success ya?

2007-04-27T20:46:00.000+08:00

This is something I saw on a friend's blog.

There are two animals that can get to the top of a huge pyramid. The eagle and the snail.

The eagle, with its strong wings simply flies up there. The snail, with its 'never say die' attitude, will slowly get there in the end.

Often, people will want to be the eagle, but not the snail.

How true.

Guess what. I just found out today that I was downgraded. I was like O.O when I saw that my PES status was C2 L2. No one told me. Also, my CSM told me that he too, was just informed about it today. He explained to me that he recieved a letter stating that my vocation was changed to supply assistant or something like that. It's not permanent though. Just for a few months. Oh well.

I went for a run today. It's good to know that my legs have not all turned to mush. It has been too long since I last worked out. It was good to feel the wind in my hair, the rush of my blood pumping, the stretch in my legs. It has been too long. Anyone want to join me?

Anyway, today I actually talked to someone about the problems that I had faced. And it feels different. Maybe I am too used to cooping up my thoughts. Too bad it dosen't really change anything. Maybe I have been keeping to myself for too long. But anyway, on another viewpoint, I actually kind of like it. Machiam like 'the man of mystery' drama effect. And don't go telling me that this is stupid, because it ain't. If you do, I probably won't care anyway, so nyah.

2007-04-27T09:40:00.000+08:00

2 years can make, or mould, and even break a person. I can say that I have experienced both. ORD is but a stone's throw away. To be honest, it has been rather fun. But I still fall back on my statement that I will never get used to life in the army.

BMT. A harsh time for many of my fellow recruits, who were tossed from one world into another. A strikingly different world. Gone was the management of your own time. Replaced with strict discipline. Order as opposed to chaos which is our lives. I went through it fine, being an adaptable person. I never really got along with my section mates, however. I am quiet and not really a team player. Might that be the reason? In the end, I was moulded to become a soldier.

POP. Posted to my current unit. I could not settle down at first. Being transferred here and there was not fun. I felt like there was no proper place for me. Unsettled. Broken.

Transferred to my current company, it was a final placement. And here would I be until I ORD. My position was interesting. I watched as my fellow men completed their AIT and turned ops. Everything went well despite the hurricane of deployment and my daily tasks. There were times that I was stressed up deeply. I had no choice but to suck it up and continue on. Looking back, I think I did well. When 3SG wee tia ORDed, I was left to man the fort by myself. I had to handle everything myself. That was a tough period, but I held on somehow. And I recieved good feedback from the way I handled things. That was a high time in my two years.

Last august. I call this period 'The reckoning'. Wham. Life just punched me in the gut, threw me around in the tornado and deposited me facedown on the ground. Ouch. I was honestly glad for the Taiwan trip during that time. I did not even want to go initially. In the end, I was glad for the trip. It was like an escape path that I desperately needed. I had time to think. I was broken, but I stood up once more.

Back to the present. Lots of trials these two years. Perhaps the decision of facing most of them by myself was not such a good decision. Many times, I did not even speak of it, not even to the people who were closest to me. So nobody knew. However, I am proud to say that I stood fast to my religion, to the things that I believed in. I could have fallen far, and I had many chances to do so.

Thank you Jesus, for holding on to my hand and never letting it go, even when I wanted to. Without the strength that you have given me, I would not be here today.

2007-04-26T21:21:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you have to give up what you want.

Watch spiderman 1 again today. To be spiderman and to uphold justice, Peter Parker decided to give up Mary Jane.

I suppose this is true in certain aspects. For Parker, everything turned out well in the end. However, life is no what you would see in the movies. And I suppose I understand now. Maybe it is not enough to let go. Maybe it is better to decide to give up on certain things. When Parker made his decision, he was, for a moment, free. He became a changed person.

I suppose I should follow his example.

2007-04-25T21:04:00.000+08:00

Nothing much to do, so here's some pictures. From my ORD dinner last week:

My friends.

This is what happens to me when I drink.

My small comics collection.

Some of my books. I have more.

2007-04-14T23:47:00.000+08:00

It is easier to look back now. Well, maybe because I am actually looking forward to looking forward. Choice. Again. This time, it will be right. Let's hope my aunt will get everything settled quickly. I really want to go to NY.

No matter what, it will be a good experience to meet with people of a different culture. Honestly, if I do leave the country, what I will miss most is the food. Char kuay teow! Laksa! Mee Pok! Roti prata! Die la. I do not want to see burgers every day. But then, I can adapt to different situations easily.

I suppose the best thing about going to a foriegn place is that I basically restart my life there. To leave everything behind and start anew. I do look forward to it. Some might call it escapism. Refusing to face you own problems. I see it as renewal. Rebirth. A phase of life has closed and another phase will begin. Time will not flow back. The past will remain in the past, a part of me. The future is what's important. Is this my peace? Am I finding it?

ORD date countdown: 57 days

2007-04-13T21:32:00.000+08:00

Our ORD parade was held today. I was not in it due to excuse, but anyway, my job is on the logistical side anyway, standing by. Other than my first 3 or so months in tekong, the rest of my 2 years was spent in this camp.

As I saw my men on the parade ground, I realised that we have all come a long way. They have all known each other before I was posted here, having been together since their BMT and PTP. I was never really close with them. And to add to the fact that I was not included into any of the 3 platoons in my company, I was somewhat segregated. Not here but not there. The ORD dinner next week is probably the last time I will see them again, until maybe reservist.

To all of the men of Foxtrot company, good luck.

ORD date countdown: 58 days

2007-04-07T23:38:00.000+08:00

Its been some time since I updated. Anyway, I will be ORDing soon. All major events are completed and all that is left is to prepare for ORD. Well, this means that I still have work to do. Don't I always? Anyway, it has been an interesting two years. I do not think that I will ever get used to army life. Even outside of army, life has been rather... chaotic. But anyway, the past is the past, and it should be left behind. But it will always be there. How can you forget something that is part of you? Let's just hope that we can learn from our mistakes and move on.

ORD date countdown: 63 days

Inspired by the 300 spartans

2007-03-20T01:27:00.000+08:00

Through the slits of his helmet, the young warrior could see the enemy rushing towards them. They were numerous. The ground shook at their approach. Shield strapped to his left arm, spear on his right, he waited. To the left and right of him were his fellows. Packed tightly into a phalanx, confident that their defense was unpenetrable, they proudly stood their ground. And they were right.

With a twist of his left arm, he struck out using his right, spear piercing through flesh with brutal efficiency. Back and forth the line, his fellows did the same, alternating their attacks so that they were always protected. When the rush of bodies pressed against their shields were too great, they simply pushed the enemy back. In that moment, the enemy would lose their footing and fall prey to the deadly spears.

The mad rush stopped. He could see fear on the eyes of his enemies. Closing their formation again, spear held at eye level, resting on his large shield, he waited for any movement. The enemy were hesitant now, seeing a great number of their fallen, yet not a single member of the defenders. Slowly, the phalanx commander gave the order to advance. The enemy began to take a few tentative steps backward, not wanting to face any of the wicked spears. The young warrior heard his commander give the order to charge. Yelling his battlecry, the phalanx opened their formation and charged the enemy.

A spear thrust. A foe fallen. Pulling the spear out from the dead body, the young warrior took a step back with his right leg, using it as a pivot. Making a complete turn, his cape sweeping wide, he brought his spear in a fluid sweeping motion across the torso of another enemy, smashing him to the right. Following through with the movement, he suddenly reversed direction, smashing his shield to the left. He felt the shock travel up his arm as the blow connected. Holding his spear in an overhand grip, he threw his spear. His aim was true. Another enemy fallen.

One of the enemy, who thought him weaponless, charged towards him, thinking him to be easy prey. Smiling grimly, he reached for the sword sheathed at his side. He brought the blade out of his sheath in a vicious slashing motion. His opponent fell without knowing what hit him, so quick was his movement. Holding his shield, sword held at eye level, he charged at the next enemy. A slash to the left. Right arm and leg in motion. Following the movement through. Using right leg as a pivot. 360 degree turn to the left. Another shield smash to another enemy. While the enemy was stunned by the smash, he followed up with an overhead chop, blade biting through flesh with ease. No movement was too much, leaving him unbalanced. No movement was too little, creating an opening for the enemy. His movements were graceful, as were the movements of his fellow soldiers. It resembled a dance of leaves swaying in the wind, so fluid were their movements.

Another upward slash later, all he saw were bodies. They had routed the enemy. They had won. For now.

-----

So how was it? Inspired by the movie, I decided to portray a battle through the view of a warrior at the front rank. I suppose it could be taken as a tribute to Leonidas and his brave men.

P.S: For those wondering, the movie was based on true events. Leonidas and his 300 men were real. So were the quotes, "Come and get them (response to 'Lay down your weapons')" and "Then we fight in the shade (response to 'The arrows are so numerous they will blot out the sun')".

2007-03-13T20:42:00.000+08:00

A story to share. There was this family that had two children, a boy and a younger girl. Unfortunately, the girl has a debilating disease, and might not live over a certain age. The brother was initially jealous of his sister because of all the attention that their parents gave her, due to her disease. However, due to an unexpected event, the brother realises the error of his thoughts and changes, giving his utmost care and attention to his sick sibling.

As they reach their teenage years, the siblings grow closer and closer. The sister spends a lot of time in the hospital, and as such, does not have many friends. The world seems alien to her. Her brother is completely devoted to her, managing his time so that he can spend as much time with his sister as possible. At the end, they both realise that their closeness has reached beyond sibling love. The brother knows that this is not right, and tries to distance himself from his sister, but to little effect.

At about the same time, the sister's doctor has news that her condition is taking a turn for the worse, and that she has only 6 months to live. Their family, obviously devastated, tries to find a solution in the doctor's office. A transplant is not possible for the parents, as their blood type is not suitable with their daughter. The brother then volunteers himself, but is stopped by his parents. They reveal that his sister is not related to them in any way. She was in fact the daughter of a family friend who died when she was young. Losing the daughter to illness was bad enough; they did not want to lose their son during the transplant process.

As time went on, the brother eventually grew desperate and forced his parents to agree to the transplant. However, the operation was a failure and his 'sister' died. She died without knowing the truth that she and her brother were actually unrelated.

Touching, no? This story turned my sentimental side on. Or rather, brought it back. I have always been a sentimental person. I know, none of you believes me. But then, I never liked to openly display feelings. Of course, the story was much longer, but the important thing was that it was touching.

On a side note, I have made a decision on what to do after I ORD. Remember I said that I would either work or continue my education? There were in fact more options. And that, I chose. Its time I got off my lazy ass and make a decision. I believe that its a good one.

2007-02-21T20:25:00.000+08:00

I still have no idea on what I want to do after I ORD. Well, at least I am making plans, such as preparing my resume, scanning through the Recruit section of newspapers, taking note of career fairs and looking through the websites of various unis'. The issue of study first or work first is a conflicting one. While I still have the drive to want to further my studies, I had better do so before I lose it. On the other hand, I do not have the finances to do so and I am not exactly a stellar student, so I may not even be accepted at all.

This time, I want to do something that I really have the interest in, which also is my strong suit. That would be language. Creative writing. Now that, I enjoy. I do have a few works in the internet somewhere. Personally, I do not think it is all that good. But then, I am never satisfied with my own work. If worst comes to worst, and I have to take up a bank loan, I suppose I will. At least it will seriously force me to really manage my finances, which is a good thing.

But anyway, I still have a little time left before I make my decision, so I shall seek a higher authority. A very high one. And see what happens.

2007-02-20T22:26:00.000+08:00

Today is the third day of the lunar new year. Yet I feel... empty. This year seems pretty hmm... uneventful. Never got the chance to go and really 'bai nian'. My relatives are mostly in malaysia. Which I did not go this year, thanks to duty. And so I am left alone at home. I don't have much people to 'bai nian' in singapore. It's as if a normal day has passed. Honestly, there's nothing new. Well maybe except for the fact that practically no shops are open. There's just no novelty anymore. It feels like there is something missing.

I seem to be rambling to myself more often as of late. Anyway just heard the song 'Always on your side' by Sheryl Crow ft. Sting. Really nice. I highly recommend it.

No quote today.

2007-02-19T23:13:00.000+08:00

My Personality


Neuroticism	43
Extraversion	21
Openness To Experience	26
Agreeableness	38
Conscientiousness	22

You are introverted, reserved, and quiet with a preference for solitude and solitary activities. Your socializing tends to be restricted to a few close friends. Stressful and frustrating situations can be upsetting to you, but you are generally able to get over these feelings and cope with these situations. As a practical person you like to think in plain and simple terms. Others describe you as down-to-earth, practical, and conservative. You have some concern with others' needs, and are generally pleasant, sympathetic, and cooperative. You like to live for the moment and do what feels good now. Your work tends to be careless and disorganized.

Test Yourself Compare Yourself View Full Report

Browse 1000s of the most popular myspace layouts or create your own layout.

Just something that I did for fun. Quite accurate, I suppose. Anyway, these few days have been a tiring one for me, both physically and mentally. I suppose that I can only thank God for moulding me into such. My determination and practical-ness woke me up. I suppose my tian ta xia lai dang bei gat attitude helped as well.

"I get knocked down, but I get up again, ain't no one's gonna keep me down..." Tubthumping, Chumbawamba (slightly edited by me)

Rebirth...

2007-02-17T16:56:00.000+08:00

Right. This is Darryl version 2 speaking. Version 1 has been assaulted by a virus, terminated and has been replaced by the all new, improved version 2, hopefully without defects or bugs.

Many decisions to be made. Today, let's focus on the subject of university education. One at the time. No one wants to get overwhelmed, eh? My options are NUS, NTU or an external degree. Looking at the crappiness that is my diploma results, my chances to getting into any science course is pratically a big, fat, zero. Kosong. Zilch. Nada. Well, language is the next bet. At least GPA does not apply to me, as it was introduced halfway when I was in a poly. Or does it? I really don't know. Someone enlighten me? Anyway, all this will have to wait till next year. I need the time to get $ first.

Chinese new year is here. An important occasion for all chinese around the world. As a Singaporean, we are rather different from the chinese in China. Personally, I find that China's anti Japan sentiments still run deep. I suppose we can't blame them, but seeing as how WW2 is over 50 years ago, might it be time to bury the hatchet? Of course, Japan has to admit to the atrocities that they did as well. Since neither party is willing to compromise, I suspect that this rivalry will last a long, long time. Revenge should be put to rest.

In all honesty, the novelty of celeberating a new year is lost to me. Why is it that everything has to be the same every year? From the absurdly long bak-kua queues to the lion dances, everything has contributed to the new year being boring. At least for me. And I actually find the music irritating. Every year, its the same tong-tong-cheng-cheng-ping-ping-piang-piang. Why does it have to be so darn noisy? You call that music? Oh well.

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get. - Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump

2007-02-11T21:54:00.000+08:00

Alright! My network is back online, thanks to a new router which I bought today.

I'm tired. Sometimes I wish life could be simpler. Chance. How many chances does one get in his or her whole life? Maybe for some people one. Blow it, and its gone. Have I blown all of mine? Sometimes I feel peace. Sometimes turmoil. What is wrong? Why am I feeling so? Am I deliding myself still?

When you make a mistake, don't look at it back long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power. - Hugh White

If only it was that easy.

2007-02-10T21:49:00.000+08:00

Sometimes life slaps you upside the head. Acceptance or denial. Why does it seem that I always make wrong decisions in life? You may ask "surely that can't be true". Well, let's do a break down.

1) Wasting a year in JI instead of poly
2) I should have worked harder in JI (even if I did, fat hope of me making it to year 2. I was totally outclassed)
3) Totally lost track of life those few years. Even now, I don't remember what I was doing back then
4) Leaving my previous church
5) Chose the wrong course in poly (debatable, but I do not intend to continue down the science path)
6) The events recently

See what I mean? And congrats to me, because now I have a phobia of making big decisions. And I'm due to make some in the coming months. Darn. Topic: What the heck am I going to do after I ORD? Well, it's either go for university or get a job first. Let's make a list.

1) Work and study part time ---> Not easy at all
2) Go ahead and study anyway and hope that I can somehow scrape enough $ to pay for the fees
3) Work full time first and save $ ---> And how old will I be by then?
4) Join some organisation that will allow all my fees to be paid. In other words, a bond.

One more thing. I don't even know if I really want to take up journalism. Well, I do have a backup plan, but I guess I need to have an open mind and keep my options open. Turmoil. Confusion.

"As my soul heals the shame, I will grow through this pain. Lord I'm doing all I can, to be a better man." - Better Man, by Robbie Williams
"Pain is a great teacher for human beings. The soul grows under the breath of pain." - Wolfram von Eschenbach

2007-01-31T20:32:00.001+08:00

New skin. Nice, huh?

Still could not find a proper bookshelf/display cabinet within a reasonable price range. There was a discount at courts, so I went to take a look. Guess what? $699. You call that a discount? Oh well. Went to kinokuniya again today, but bought nothing. Authors do need time to write their books.

Anyway, I have an extremely good impression of kinokuniya. I remember looking around for a series of 7 books last year called The Death Gate Cycle. Extremely good read, I highly recommend it. Well, after looking for it everywhere to no avail, I decided to try and order it from kinokuniya, since I happened to be at orchard road. I was informed that it would take a few weeks to arrive. One thing that surprised me was that I did not need to pay any shipping or extra charges. Staff were polite, service was excellent. I was happy. From then onwards, My only gripe with kinokuniya is that I always have to travel far to get there. Too bad I stay in the north. Oh well.

2007-01-28T16:44:00.000+08:00

I do not like to look back. Sometimes I wish that God would give me amnesia so that I would forget everything and start my life all over again. On second thought, it may not be that good an idea.

Met my aunt this morning. Bad news. Of my three cousins, two have backslided. Looking back(bleah), I remember that I first knew God when I went to church with them. That was nearly 10 years ago. What happened? Well, at least I have another 'fu ying dui xiang' now. It's time to bring them back. It's time to leave everything behind and move on. Can I do it?

Everything that has happened so far was like a dream. 2006 was... chaotic. This year will be different. Lots of other stuff. My future occupation. Transition into society. ORD. Spreading the gospel. Will be taking up 'san fu', possibly in july. Zhang Shimu caught me today and asked me when I would be free. A class will be opening in july. So, I accepted.

In other words, 2007, this year, will be something like a release. At least the way I see it. But, before I can move on, I have one last thing to consider. And it does not concern just me. When the time comes, what will I do? Will I face it? Or will I run away again?

Abstractness? You decide. Sometimes I think my ramblings are half-sane.

2007-01-22T18:06:00.000+08:00

True strength is admitting your weaknesses, not hiding it. Agree? Yes? No?

It ain't as easy as it seems. Is what I am doing merely a fallacy? Was I wrong for half my life so far? Is it possible that I have been following one path for so long that I do not even see the fork in the road leading to another way? Am I getting disillusioned?

Camp life really takes away nearly everything you have. Especially time and commitments. In national service, your first priority is to the nation. Nearly everything else is secondary. Especially when your appointment is an important one. After working my arse off, I have a couple of days off. That's not so bad. But I would prefer not to sacrifice anything at all in the first place. I'm really tired of this. But its not the end yet.

What if the working world is worse? What if, when you step into society, you find that you are totally lost? I'm talking worst case scenario here. Well, no matter what, we still have to take the first step. Let's hope I actually make a correct decision this time.

With all my bravado and 'seh', am I just another coward after all?

2007-01-21T21:00:00.000+08:00

Well, I fixed my tagboard. Reused, actually. Yup. Day off tomorrow. Yay.

Decisions are hard to make. Well, at least for me. It seems that whatever decisions I make, I know not if it is good or bad. Right or wrong. Sometimes, both have unpleasant effects. And in the end, I always end up thinking twice. This is not good. Bad, actually. What am I going to do? To study or not to study? If study, what to study? If work, which job? Darn. I hate this.

ORD is a few months away. To me, it represents the end of a phase in life and the start of another. And everything that has happened in the previous phase I will try to forget. It's time to start over. To (successfully)integrate myself into society. Sometimes I wish nothing changed.

Anyway, I have made a new year's resolution. Yeah, so I decided on making one three weeks after the whole world made theirs. So? No one said that we can only make new year resolutions on new year's day. The last time I remembered, I resolved never to make any more new year resolutions because I always end up forgetting and not doint it. Not this time. I resolve to write an article and submit it to a local paper, and the paper will publish my article. Yes! That's it!

2007-01-20T20:33:00.000+08:00

Finally. After downloading netscape, blogger loads properly now. Darn internet explorer. Also, I'll fix my tagboard soon.

Scanning through the recruit section of the straits times, I noticed that the semiconductor industry was picking up. Good news is, all those companies have positions that I can apply for. Mostly requires shift work as well. I know its not the best thing to do but I need the $. Also, my diploma is utter crap in terms of results. In an interview, the best thing I can do to impress the interviewer is the 'What can you do for the company' part. I lose out in terms of results. By stating that I am willing to do shift work, and staying at the plant if necessary, this should work. Hopefully. I do not have the luxury of someone supporting me to go university, so I'm on my own, paying for my own education.

At least, if I even decide to take up the degree in journalism. Social work is also something that is not far from my mind. I'm also considering the SPS. Helping people in need is always a good thing. It is time to think of the future. For now, I will continue to write.

As for the future, I will leave it alone for now. I do have a thought though. Is marriage really necessary? I believe a fault of mine is that I might be too much of an individualist. My plans are all on myself. Rarely do they include another person. It may be that I do not know how to think for other people. But seriously, being single means that you have more control over your own life. But is it the correct path? Oh well.

2007-01-14T20:04:00.000+08:00

Excuse my inactiveness. Blogger is still acting crazy. Something’s wrong with my tagboard, I know. Oh well.

Some updates. I’m still working on my FoR fic, currently stuck somewhere. Heh. Anyway, I’m planning on doing a novellization of the game Der Langrisser once I finish this fic. Maybe I should redirect this blog to somewhere else temporarily. Oh well.

2006-12-16T01:03:00.000+08:00

Well, I’m still alive. For some reason blogger absolutely refuses to load up on my computer. And my laptop is unavailable at the moment. No, don’t ask why.

Christmas is coming. Any yet I do not feel anything. Neither happiness nor sadness. Just emptiness, as if something feels different. Again, it’s something that I cannot explain. It’s just the way I am. Oh well.

“Life I like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get.” – Forrest Gump.

That just about sums up what my life has been recently. Oh well.

2006-11-25T23:13:00.000+08:00

“The pain in my heart tells me that I’m alive.”

Good quote, and one that I agree with. Not much to say except this. Finished one chapter of my fanfic. If possible, I’ll have it up on fanfiction.net by tomorrow.

Anyway, no more army stuff on this blog. Will update more tomorrow.

2006-11-20T23:42:00.000+08:00

I resolve to update my blog in the library next time. For some reason, blogger refuses to load properly on this computer.

Got a pair of new glasses made. $190. Oh well. Unprecedented monetary woes. Anyway, I decided that I do look better without my glasses. Today was a brief respite amidst the chaos that is deployment. It’s a good thing that it’s the last day tomorrow. Hopefully, nothing will be missing when we get back to camp.

Spent half the day walking around suntec and ms looking for a bookshelf. Realised that I pretty much kept my mouth shut those few hours. Not even a word. Such solitude is welcome; it gives me time to think. It seems that I am rather easily distracted sometimes. It is time for a decision. I’m going to get rid of my PSP. Sure, it provided me with almost unlimited entertainment, but at what cost? If I am going to follow that path that I have decided to take, I simply cannot afford the distraction. It’s mainly the games that distract me the most. Anyone interested in a second hand PSP?

Anyway, a new project that I am going to undertake will be a fanfic of an anime. I actually decided on writing one long ago, but somehow I failed to do so. Well, better late than never.

2006-11-14T23:34:00.000+08:00

Inspiration!

Its been real long since I had the inspiration to write this much. It all began when I was wrapping my books that I have bought, recent and past. It occurred to me then that most of my money was spent on books. Looking back on the years, I realised that this was true. If I could count all that I have bought, my room could not hold them all. What got my fascination into books in the first place is interesting, though. Something that existed millions of years ago, if it were true.

Bet you can’t guess. Answer: dinosaurs. Now I’m sure you must be thinking: How can huge, overgrown lizards impact my life? Aha. It all began years long long ago, when I was still a small kid. For some reason that I never found out, I was at the library. I remember that my first books were of pictures consisting of dinosaurs. I do not know why I am attracted to them, nor why I am fascinated with them. Soon after, I learnt that staring at pictures can be boring. So, I began to choose books that have more words in them. And that is how my passion with books came to rise.

I believe that knowledge should be shared and not kept. Combined with my drive to read and learn, is a drive to share. I remember many things that fascinate me. And with each one of them, I have the desire to share what I have learnt, so that the knowledge can never disappear. Like when I was in secondary school, there was this interesting online game that I used to play. It was fun. A thought. Why not write something about it? And so I wrote about our characters going off on an adventure to kill the evil villain. By the way, the evil villain character was inspired by my discipline master. That was fun.

And it was actually published on their website. How cool was that? But personally, I think what I wrote actually sucked. But of course, my language skills were not that good then. Anyway, I had a few more contributions. Sadly, I could not find any trace of it today. Lost in the internet. And on GameFAQs, I wrote some FAQs on games that I really liked, sadly not more, due to lack of time.

Even anime inspired me. Most of the anime that I have seen had really interesting characters. Even after the series ended, there were people who wanted more from the characters. That had their own distinct personalities and we, as people, could relate to in one form or another. Eventually, they took it on themselves to continue the legacy of the characters in their writings.

It was not until today that I had such a desire to share. Over the years, I have learnt much from everything that I have seen, that I have experienced. And I truly desire to share the knowledge, albeit what little I have, to other people. And if I do, I will want them to understand as simply as possible. In clear, crisp language, and not it a convulted mass of chimonology in the form of half decent, confounding large words that just needs to be struggled to even understand. See what I mean?

Is this then, my life? Is this what God has planned for me? If it is, do I dare to step into it? Am I willing? Am I willing to sacrifice? I search for answers. If you think you may have what I seek, or if I have inspired you in any way, feel free to let me know.

2006-11-08T21:54:00.000+08:00

ORD is but a few months away. What am I going to do? Study? Let's review my options. If I do, I'm going to concentrate on my interests.

Firstly, chemistry. If I do continue down this path, I will have to go overseas, after an advanced diploma. This is going to be hard. Takes too much time and money.

Secondly, language. Two options here. Journalism or english. For journalism, its going to cost a lot. Its an external degree, so it might or might not be recognised. As for the degree in english, I may not even get into NTU. And worse, my diploma is pretty much crap and its not related.

This is hard. Ideas, anyone?

2006-11-02T20:10:00.000+08:00

My router is down, so I won't be online that often. Anyway, I had a thought on my way home. Here's my current wishlist:

1) Speakers for my PSP
2) Final Fantasy V Advance
3) A new laptop battery
4) 1/100 Strike Freedom Gundam
5) 1/100 Destiny Gundam
6) A new bookcase
7) Enough $ to buy books to read

Except for 3 and 6, everything else should not cost more than $50. Should not be too hard to obtain, eh? Maybe by next june, if I am careful. Bah. Just recieved an sms, telling me to book in by 1030 hrs tomorrow morning. Basically, we need to go back to jurong island to look for the missing thingy. Now that absolutely sucks. Oh well.

This is what happens when...

2006-10-15T01:32:00.000+08:00

This is what happens when I attempt the low wall in SOC after being out of action after one year. Its worse than it looks. As about now its turning blackish. As least I cleared the wall, after about 10 tries? My shoulders hurt too. Darn low rope. The last time I did SOC was like, in BMT? So long never do liao how to pass? Bleh. Deployment starting soon. This means me = busy. Oh well. (Quote Garfield) Life could be worse I guess. (End quote)

Anyway, I finished my Wing Zero Custom master grade. Here it is.

Different pose. Nice, ya?

Will update tomorrow. If I remember to, that is.

The value of life(2)

2006-10-06T22:06:00.000+08:00

As I go about my daily tasks in camp, I am constantly reminded of what I have lost. Even my men notices. They comment on how I always seem so sian these days. Is it that noticable?
My world is silent once again. But this time, the choice is right. I know of what I can do and what I cannot do. I corrected my own mistake. For the first time in my life, I am totally sure that what I have wrought is right. With it comes peace. With peace comes silence. With silence comes solitude. With solitude comes emptiness.
But such is my fate. And I accept it. This is something that I have to overcome alone. I will survive. And come back stronger than ever before. As is always the case. I was made to be different. I was made to be a survivor. And that I will.

On a side note, I am finally getting promoted. Better late then never. Not sure when though. Its not about the rank, its about the money. $50 better than nothing right? Every little bit counts, especially when you are saving up.

The value of life

2006-10-02T18:10:00.000+08:00

I remember the times when I was still in my first primary school, when I was still living in bedok. Year: 1991
I remember my childhood friends, and often wonder how they are doing now.
I remember moving to woodlands, and to another primary school, after pr 1. Year: 1992 - 1996
I remember my friends, all playing around, so happy together.
I remember the time I first stepped into secondary school. Year: 1997 - 2000
I remember my teachers, my friends, my dance lessons.
I remember JI, being in the track team, running 5km lots of times. Year: 2001
I remember my poly days, full of reports and lab lessons. Year: 2002 - 2005

Those were the days. Sentimentality? Kinda rare from me, but it happens. Looking back at the years, I feel old. It seems only yesterday. What makes a person? I believe in way or another, his memories does. Its an interesting topic, and one that I might get to when I have the time.

Darn room light, its spoilt. Have to remind myself to get a new bulb when I book out this week. Gah.

Hmm...

2006-10-02T08:53:00.000+08:00

Finally, I can clear my off. Extra rest day for me, which is good. the more days I do not have to go back to camp, the happier I will be. Was just told by my CSM that I will be busy on thursday and friday. Oh well. It seems that my work never ends.

At least I cleared my IPPT. Here's the results:

Sit ups - 40 (5 pts)
SBJ - 216 cm (2 pts) I just can't seem to get the technique right.
Chin ups - 8 (3 pts)
Shuttle run - 9.9secs (5 pts)
2.4 run - 11:15 (3 pts) I can do better. Stupid slope at the end always kills me.

If not for my SBJ, I would have gotten a silver. I'll try for silver the next IPPT.

Its not that easy to regain the fitness that you have lost. I suppose I see it as a challenge. At least all my training has paid off. Will blog again later. Time for breakfast.

千里之外

2006-09-28T23:28:00.000+08:00

I was never a fan of Jay Zhou, but this song is really nice. His combo with Fei Yu Qing was excellent. I was so surprised by how powerful Fei Yu Qing's voice was. Anyway, here's the lyrics to the song.

屋簷如悬崖风铃如沧海我等燕归来
时间被安排演一场意外妳悄然走开

故事在城外浓雾散不开看不清对白
妳听不出来风声不存在是我在感慨

梦醒来是谁在窗台把结局打开
那薄如蝉翼的未来经不起谁来拆

我送妳离开千里之外妳无声黑白
沉默年代或许不该太遥远的相爱

我送妳离开天涯之外妳是否还在
琴声何来生死难猜用一生去等待

闻泪声入林寻梨花白只得一行青苔
天在山之外雨落花台我两鬢斑白
闻泪声入林寻梨花白只得一行青苔
天在山之外雨落花台我等妳来

一身琉璃白透明著尘埃妳无瑕的爱
妳从雨中来诗化了悲哀我淋湿现在

芙蓉水面採船行影犹在妳却不回来
被岁月覆盖妳说的花开过去成空白

梦醒来是谁在窗台把结局打开
那薄如蝉翼的未来经不起谁来拆

我送妳离开千里之外妳无声黑白
沉默年代或许不该太遥远的相爱

我送妳离开天涯之外妳是否还在
琴声何来生死难猜用一生去等待

Meaningful, yes?

.....

2006-09-26T23:03:00.000+08:00

It starts with one thing
I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know
Wasted it all just to watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

One thing, I don't know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try, keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme, to explain in due time
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised it got so (far)
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me (in the end)
You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

I’ve put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

Thoughts...

2006-09-24T20:55:00.000+08:00

Prioritise. Maybe its time I think about the things I prioritise.

National service, in a way, has changed me. I never imagined I would be this busy just being an armskoteman. A PES A armskoteman who has to clear IPPT and SOC like the rest of the men. An armskoteman who is practically the multi purpose man for the company just because he has a diploma, while the men are mostly mono intake. One who does more, yet gets paid less and has no rank. One who has his time eaten up because he has no choice and no control over his surrondings. One who has to juggle his work and his personal life, which includes someone important.

Because of this, I value my own time more. But conversely, I lost too. How long has it been since I last made contact with my friends? I lost much more than what I have gained. But is it fair? Is it that simple to balance so many things and not lose some of them in the process?

In comes sacrifice. Opportunity cost. And I made it. I had a choice, and I made it. I believe that my choice was right. And now, to pickup everything again, to undo the mistakes that I have made.

Just took IPPT...

2006-09-14T20:42:00.000+08:00

And guess what? I failed. Not surprising, since I had a back injury and have not been excersing regularly for like one year? Considering that, my results were actually not that bad.

Sit ups - 40. Had like 20 secs left? Can do much more la, but what for? Its already 5 points.
SBJ - 207cm. Sucks I know. I just cannot get the technique right. I HATE SBJ. I failed this since BMT.
Chin up - 5. Ya sucks again I know. I thought I did 6? Anyway I'm sure I can do more.
Shuttle run - 9.9 secs. First time I made under 10. 5 points.
2.4km run - 11.22. This was a silver timing. I one year never run liao still can get this timing is good liao ok? Again, definitely can be improved lots. I'm pretty sure I can make under 10 mins.

And there you go. Not too bad.

I'm back!

2006-09-09T08:36:00.000+08:00

Yup I'm back from Taiwan. The trip was pretty interesting. Let me begin from the beginning. I'll try to upload pictures taken from my phone, if I can get my bluetooth set working. For some reason, my phone refuses to connect to my computer.

The flight

I was expecting my flight there to be something like Tiger Airways. I was plesantly surprised to find out it was SIA. The service was excellent. There is practically no lack of things to do on the plane. There are movies, songs, even super nintendo games available. All in all, a good experience.

Hukou camp

We reached Hukou camp at around 5 am in the morning. Most of us were already half dead by then. Bringing my PSP along was the correct decision. While they were in outfield, I stayed in camp all the time. My armskote was a bloody CONTAINER. Yep, container as in those used to ship cargo. Dot dot dot. It was pathetic. Thats all I can say about the camp. Restricted lah, understand?

Finally, R & R

The last 2 and a half days was for R & R for all of us. For the first two days, we had tour guides to bring us around. My tour guide was this really cute girl called Kiki. She has a really sweet voice. Cute name, too. I seem to have this fondness for cute girls. Pretty never mind. Must be cute. Anyway, we went to 2 theme parks. The first one, YAMAY theme park, had this really awesome ride, called gravity max. Basically, you sit on this roller coaster car and go up high on the slope. The track then switches vertically downwards, so all of us were facing down. I was in the last car. It was so high up. Then the car goes down really fast, up a loop and it was over. Whole thing took like 10 seconds. The scariest 10 seconds of my life. Our meals were all in restaurants. The fish there was really good. After dinner, when we checked in to our hotels, we went out. I went to Ximen Ting. Nice place. Lots of things to see and buy. Lots of pretty girls too. And I mean lots. The're everywhere. Bought this really nice Adidas jacket for $NT1500.

On the final day, the whole day was left to us to walk around and stuff. I went alone to wander around. Taiwan's MRT system is rather similar to Singapore. I went into two shopping centres, bought a sleeveless shirt and a pair of socks. Did not manage to buy much, as I could not use my duffel bag, so all I had was my small backpack.

Final notes

Taiwan's actually a nice place to live in, if the politics were not so utterly messy and violent. I definitely will go back again, maybe at the end of the year or next year, depending on how much cash I have. Managed to give my MSN to my tour guide Kiki. Said that she would bring us out if we went there again. For some reason, she seems to like Little India a lot. I promised to bring her there, if she ever comes to Singapore. It was a good trip. And now, back to camp, where we will be on standby, thanks to the IMF. Oh well.

...

2006-09-02T20:36:00.000+08:00

I'm in taiwan now... in the camp internet room. NT$10 for 30 mins of internet usage. Oh well. Have a few things to say regarding some decisions I made recently. Do I regret? Yes. Do I blame myself? I guess so. There. Now I feel much better, getting it of my chest.

Going to taiwan

2006-08-24T17:58:00.001+08:00

Yup, i'm leaving for taiwan soon. Will be back in two weeks or so.

Am I doing the right thing?

2006-08-19T21:56:00.000+08:00

Why do I always seem to make decisions and then regret it later? I just wanted to do what is right. Can someone please tell me?

Emotion is man's greatest weakness. Agree with this statement? Maybe. If a person would to kill his emotions, he would not be able to feel happiness and joy, which might be bad. Conversely, he would not know sadness, anger and regret. Its an interesting way of looking at things ya?

Back to decisions. I suppose there is no way of knowing what you do is right or wrong. Life can be hard to predict sometimes. But if given a choice, would you want to change certain decisions that you made in your life? I know I would. Even though your decision might not be the best for you, just treat it as a memory. But even so, why do I seemingly go down the wrong path everytime?

I was made to be a self-supporting individual. I am someone who loves being free, with nothing to tie me down. I was meant to be a soloist. The lone traveller. No attachments. In school, I prefer to work alone. My friends hardly know who I really am. I myself find it hard to maintain friendship. I don't know why, but I just do not have the drive. It does not bother me much even. Even in national service, what I am doing now, I mostly work alone. But why then, do I choose otherwise? Why do I, knowing that I cannot share my life with someone else, still choose to? Why do I, knowing that nothing will come out of it in the end, still choose the wrong decision? Will I ever learn?

Dongfang billy

2006-08-13T00:38:00.000+08:00

Today is the dongfang billy event. Yup. My first impression of him was that he is quite 'Ah Gua'. The way he speaks and his gestures just gives me goosebumps. He went through a lot though. Let me share his testimonial here.

He left home at the age of 17 to pursue a singing career. He family problems caused him to hate his whole family. Smoking, drinking, drugs... you name it, he's tried it. He wanted him family to notice him. He wanted to gain their attention. This was his way. His life went on until he was diagnosed with cancer. Everything turned upside down. It was a turbulent period for him. But it was also the time where he got to know God. He found peace. His whole life had been a dream. Now, he uses his money to help other people in need. Through his radio show, he organises talks for his listeners.

After his sharing, his pastor asked if anyone would want to know the God that had turned Billy's life around. Honestly, I was quite dissapointed. The hands were so few. Maybe Singaporeans are more conservative, but still. Why? The truth is out there. Why do they not want to come to know God? A life was changed. Why do they not believe? The book of revelations says that man's hearts will be hardened. Its true. They see the truth but they do not believe. But for those few who did come to know God, I just want to say praise the Lord. One of the happiest things in the world is to see someone accept Jesus as his lord and saviour. Let's hope they come to church tomorrow morning.

The lake house story explanation

2006-08-06T00:01:00.000+08:00

I changed my blogskin again. This is easier to navigate. Anyway, it features Sephiroth from FF7. As promised, here's the plot analysis of The Lake House.

First, remember that Alex's death is on Valentine's day, 2006.
Next, think of time as a road with a fork. The fork is Valentine's day, 2006. If Alex dies, time will go one path. If Alex lives, time will go the other path. Sounds confusing? Don't worry, just read on.
Kate, who is living in the year 2006, can somehow communicate with Alex in the year 2004. They arrange to meet. Alex books a table at a restaurant, date being two years later, in the year 2006. However, Alex does not turn up. This is because he is already dead, although Kate does not know it yet. So Kate, obviously dissapointed, stops replying to Alex.
On the year 2008, valentine's day, Kate and Morgan go to the company that Alex and his brother Henry set up. Kate sees the picture on the wall, knowing that is was Alex who drew the picture. Henry then informs Kate that Alex died 2 years before, on this very date. Kate then remembers on 2006, valentine's day, a man was knocked down by a car. That man was Alex. So she quickly tries to stop Alex from crossing the road, knowing that it will be his death if he does. Alex does not, so he survives and manages to meet Kate in the year 2008.

That's it. Let me know if you have any more queries.

Can't really think of a title...

2006-08-02T21:56:00.000+08:00

Have a few thoughts in my head. Well, more like random musings actually. First thing. Notice how horror movies nowadays have titles starting with 'The'? Like The eye, The maid, The wig. Well, I have a few ideas for horror movies too.

1) The dustbin
This will involve a dustbin that opens and closes on its own. Scary, huh?

2) The durian tree
Durian falls on a guy's head and he dies. The tree is now haunted.

3) The handphone
Haven't really thought about this yet...

And there you have it. Horror movies.

Next up, my list of interesting websites that you should visit.

1) www.talkingcock.com ---> Not for the serious hearted
2) www.youtube.com ---> Search 'hard gay' for some funny stuff. SAY! SAY! SAY! HOOOOOOOOO!
3) www.gamefaqs.com ---> Number one best gaming website either.
4) www.fanfiction.net ---> Read fanfics here. Maybe one of these days I'll write one too?
5) www.bible.com ---> Enough said
6) www.download.com ---> Lots of software for download
7) www.7xi.net ---> Listen, or download mp3s. Mostly chinese.
8) www.emp3finder.com ---> Another mp3 site, but english this time.
9) pspupdates.qj.net ---> PSP news galore.
10) www.romhacking.net ---> Emulator and rom users, go here for news.

Yep. Actually,I don't really blog much. Sometimes I just can't be bothered to do so. Other times I just forget. Not many people read my blog anyway. Anyway, my next post will be on The Lake House. The movie with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock in it. For those of you who do not understand the story, check back here soon. I'll do some explaining, as it seems quite confusing. Ciao!

I am pissed!

2006-07-20T23:20:00.000+08:00

What is trust? Here's what dictionary.reference.com says:

To have or place confidence in; depend on.
To expect with assurance; assume: I trust that you will be on time.
To believe: I trust what you say.
To grant discretion to confidently: Can I trust them with the boat?

Do I have confidence placed in? No.
Am I expected with assurance? No.
Is what I say trusted? No.
Am I granted ANY discretion? No.

Just because I have my own way of doing things that does not sit well with other people, means my own way is no good la? Just because I seem quite unreliable means I am really unreliable la? Is it? I say I will do something means I will do. Why ask so much? Why have doubts? It means I am not trusted! Think I am unreliable! Is my word so hard to accept? When I say I will do something, why am I always doubted? Underestimate me is it? Well too bad. I will prove all you people wrong!

What a kok up deployment...

2006-07-16T22:04:00.000+08:00

I'm back from deployment. For those who are still unsure, I work two days and rest two days. I'm deployed at Changi airport as a storeman. Hey, its not like I wanted it, we just do not have the manpower. So why's my deployment kok up? Well, for these two days at least. Let me tell you.

I forgot to bring my locker keys with me. And all my toiletries are inside. Doh! And so, I went to the airport NTUC to buy the stuff I need. And spent around $11 for soap, a small towel (and I mean small), toothbrush and tooshpaste. Oh well. I seem to getting more forgetful and absent minded these days. I keep forgetting stuff. Oh well.

Stupid blogger. What the hell did they do to my comments? Now I can't get the coding to work right. I got a new skin, since JJ was not to happy with the Ayumi skin, and a tagboard. Maybe in the future, when I have the time, I'll create skins too. Its not that hard.

First post!... actually more like two hundreth and seventeenth or so...

2006-07-10T00:13:00.000+08:00

After shutting down my blog, I decided to start another one again. Why? Many reasons.

1) Sometimes, you REALLY have something to say, but just no avenue to put down your thoughts. So blog = good place.
2) I think my ang moh getting worse liao, due to lack of usage. This cannot do. Nonononono.
3) Sometimes, certain news really make you pek chek, but no point complaining to yourself right? Must fa xie.
4) Buay sai ah.

Anyway, lets get onto it. My blogging. Erm ya.

Today's sermon was Bu yao you lu(The hanyu pinyin is correct. My hanyu pinyin power wan ok!) by Pastor Chua. It was great. No, seriously it was. For those who know me, I'm the type that does not worry about things that are beyond my control. So what does this sermon have to do with me? Very simple.

Currently, I'm planning in taking up a degree in journalism after I ORD next june. The intake is in july. Good plan, but how in the world am I supposed to raise the money? My pay(allowance actually) is only $365($465 - $100), because I have to repay $100 every month to my dad's CPF account. I pay my poly fees under the CPF education scheme. I CAN choose to defer my payment until I complete my NS, but by doing so, my interest will accumulate. (Yes, CPF board charges interest. Thieves!!!) So might as well start repaying now instead of letting them bai bai earn even more of my pitiful allowance. So, the only difference between my allowance and Nat's(who just enlisted and is now a recruit) is that being a second year soldier, I have the amazing increase of $15. Yipee. Combat allowance if $100, which is used for repayment. So that makes $365 left. After my monthly tithe, girlfriend maintainence fee and transport fees(Adult fare is seriously expensive!), how much can I actually save? In conclusion, its a bit hard not to worry when you need to get like $40k in a year.

I may say I do not worry, but subconsciously I suppose I do. Reality is staring at me right in the face. And this is the first time I encounter something of this magnitude. This sermon really came as a reminder to me not to worry. Matthew 6:25-34. Go read it. Really have to give thanks to God.

Well, that is all for now. Let me go source for a nice blogskin.